Have you ever started dating someone, and things were great, only to be disappointed a few weeks or days later?
We all have a picture in our minds of what our ideal relationship would look like. It may be half concocted from what Hollywood has sold us and the other half from seeing our friend’s perfect relationships posted all over social media.
Your disappointment may be because you have unrealistic expectations. It’s quite common, especially early on in everyone’s lives. Perhaps you have this idea of how dating will make you feel or what it will lead to.
However, reality is often far more complicated and messy than we imagine it.
Unrealistic Dating Expectations
It will be romantic all the time.
If you had this expectation and recently found it false, you likely just got out of the early stages of your relationship. The enthusiasm to go on dates, put effort into dressing up, and spend nights together mellows out.
This is normal, and it doesn’t mean you love each other any less. The biggest sign you have this unrealistic dating expectation is if you still look for those feelings you had at the start.
There are other things to look forward to and relationship goals to strive for. Focus on those instead.
There will be no disagreements.
You two have so much in common: the same beliefs, interests, and goals. The chemistry is great. You’ll rarely ever have disagreements, right? Not necessarily.
We naturally put our best foot forward at the start of a relationship, so it’s easy to think you two will get along just fine. However, you’ll only know how compatible you really are once you see how unorganized your partner is at home or touch on more sensitive topics like having children.
You likely have this unrealistic expectation if you can’t imagine your partner having qualities you may not like or think neither of you will have to compromise on anything.
Your partner will always be available.
You want to spend as much time with your partner as possible. But they won’t always be there to chat or lend an ear to your troubles.
Your partner has a life of their own. They have friends and family. Sometimes, they’re just too tired after work and need whatever free time they have to themselves.
The signs you have this unrealistic expectation are:
- You turn solely to your partner for emotional support.
- You spend less time with other people.
- You’re upset with your partner when they aren’t available.
Your partner always knows how you feel or what you’re thinking.
Everyone wants to be understood. That’s perfectly fine. But sometimes, people want their partners to just get it.
Successful relationships require good communication. It’s hard, but you need to verbalize what you’re feeling, why you’re upset, and what your partner can do to help in a productive manner.
Fortunately, you can tell you have this unrealistic expectation even before you find someone. The sign is that you’re choosing people based on how well they understand you with minimal communication.
Instead, look for someone who will listen when you wholeheartedly express yourself and give you good advice.
You can change your partner.
This expectation is a lot easier to spot than the others. You know you have it the moment you pursue a relationship thinking this.
Let’s be clear. You can’t change your partner; only your partner can change themselves. You can be a good influence, but they have to be willing to accept what you give them.
This unrealistic expectation is often formed by overly romantic fiction of bad boys dating good girls. Think about whether you’ve been consuming too much of this type of media or consumed it early on in your life. Consider whether it’s affecting your current view on relationships.
Why Does It Happen?
What happens when we are disappointed in someone isn’t necessarily because they did something wrong. It’s because they failed to live up to these expectations that we had for them. Expectations that they know nothing about and, quite frankly, aren’t reasonable for a human being.
I can assure you Ryan Gosling in real life is nothing like the guy we saw in the Notebook.
This can go for anyone you encounter. It may be your parents, friends, etc. If you find yourself disappointed or annoyed by someone, ask yourself if it’s them and their actions or inaction that is bothering you or if it could be you.
What Can You Do?
Some people are just not capable, given the tools and life experience, or simply don’t realize what you would like for them to do. Either you may have to tell them or you may have to reset your expectations of them.
So rather than try to make every person you date to be “the one” try just allowing them to be someone. Only time will tell if someone will be there in the long run. That’s real-time in life, not just in your mind.
It can be challenging to let go of unrealistic dating expectations. After all, it really would be nice if they could be met. But that’s not how reality works.
You have to appreciate what you currently have in your relationship. And you can do that by doing the following:
Try to see where they’re coming from and listen before you speak. They have reasons to disagree. They have reasons to be unavailable.
You won’t come to appreciate what you have if you give up on the relationship because your expectations weren’t met.
Be respectful of differences
Agree to disagree. Differences between couples are good, and you should learn to see them as opportunities to widen your view and get more perspectives on various topics.
None of the above will matter much if you can’t communicate well with your partner. The only way you’ll get to even a decent level of understanding of each other is by verbalizing your thoughts and feelings.
In summary, do your best to grow as a person. The more you grow, the more you’ll appreciate the good things about your relationship that are already there.
Find Someone with the Same Expectations
You may be unable to convince someone you’re dating to become a lifelong partner. However, you can find someone that wants the same things through Luma Luxury Matchmaking.
Our expert matchmakers will get to know you and select candidates in our database of pre-screened bachelors and bachelorettes. You’ll get a quality introduction to someone also looking for a healthy, long-term relationship.