I’m pretty sure most of you have been in this familiar scenario: You meet someone, it goes great, you spend a couple more dates and have the best time, then all of a sudden–and on a seemingly perfect day–they tell you that it’s not going to work and that this is the “end of the line” for both of you.
You just got dumped.
Being dumped is one of the most painful experiences human beings endure, especially if it happened unexpectedly. What comes after that is even worse. You would spend your days wondering, “Why?” without finding the real answer. Well, we at Luma Search Matchmaking hope to shed some light on why some of us dump, and why some of us get dumped. More specifically, we want to talk about the fundamental differences between dumpers and dumpees.
Differentiating Dumpees and Dumpers
Who Are the Dumpees?
Dumpees are the ones who get broken up with by their partner, the dumper. If you find yourself getting dumped more often than dumping someone, here’s what it may mean:
Dumpees are people who badly want to be in a committed relationship that they would sacrifice their own values to be with someone. People often tell them that they’re “too nice” because they put up with mistreatment or compromise their beliefs in order to please their partner. They may feel like they need to be in a relationship in order to be happy, and they may struggle to be alone.
By the time they get dumped, they probably should have left the relationship months ago.
Many dumpees may also be relationship addicts. They may jump from one relationship to the next without taking time to process their feelings or heal from past hurt. They may cling to their partners and struggle with feelings of dependence. This can be overwhelming for their partners, who may feel suffocated or trapped.
Most dumpees also struggle with their own insecurities and project them onto their partners, bringing constant drama into the relationship that may lead to their partners breaking up with them.
Who Are the Dumpers?
Dumpers are often afraid of being left behind, so they end the relationship before their partner can potentially leave them. Maybe they grew up with one or neither parent and have abandonment issues. Whenever things go well for them, they start self-sabotaging because of their belief that good things will eventually come to an end and they will get left behind.
Most of them tend to always look for the next best thing. They have a fear of missing out, and they want to explore all of their options. This can make them appear indecisive and commitment-phobic. They may have a lot of short-lived relationships, but they struggle to form long-lasting connections. They tend to put relationships at the bottom of their priority list because there’s already something that keeps them occupied.
Dumpers are also addicted to the butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling that comes with a new relationship. They crave the excitement and novelty that comes with meeting someone new. However, once the novelty wears off, they may lose interest and move on to the next person. This can be frustrating for their partners, who may feel like they are being used for a temporary high.
How To Avoid Being a Dumper or Dumpee
Both dumpers and dumpees can have unhealthy patterns in relationships. Dumpers may struggle with commitment, while dumpees may struggle with boundaries. Both types of people may need to work on developing self-esteem and healthy relationship habits to avoid repeating the same patterns.
If you’re a dumper, it’s important to be honest with your partners about your intentions. Don’t lead people on or make promises you can’t keep. If you know you’re not ready for commitment, then it’s better to be upfront about it. You may also benefit from exploring your fear of missing out and working on developing deeper connections with the people in your life.
If you’re a dumpee, learn to prioritize your own values and beliefs. Don’t compromise on things that are important to you in order to please someone else. Take time to reflect on what you really want in a relationship and work on building a sense of independence.
Work on Yourself, and Everything Will Follow
It can be challenging to deal with the aftermath of a breakup, whether you were the one who ended things or the one who was left. However, always remember that despite the end of your relationship, you will heal and be able to pursue love once more. In the meantime, work on yourself and surround yourself with people who can support you as you go through the healing process. What’s meant for you will never miss you.
If you want to know more about dating advice and tips, Luma Luxury Matchmaking has a dedicated blog page full of relationship stories and advice that may inspire you to move on and forward. If you’re ready to find love again, contact one of our matchmakers and let us know how we can be of help.