How to Find a Long-Term Partner: a Step-By-Step Guide
Finding a long-term partner has arguably never been as challenging as it is right now. As a Matchmaker and dating coach who’s been in the industry for over 20 years, I’ve had a unique perspective in watching the dating scene transform into the nearly unnavigable, deeply complex puzzle it is today. So many successful, attractive, and desirable singles struggle to find a partner in the current dating landscape, and things aren’t looking any better for the coming years, either.
It’s predicted that over the course of the next decade, dating apps are going to grow exponentially. According to data by Statistica, the online dating market is expected to grow by 2.50% every single year through 2029. Most of us are already well aware of the negative effects of dating apps and can recognize that their perpetuation spells more bad news for the dating scene.
Even though finding a life partner is becoming increasingly difficult, it’s still entirely possible with the right attitude and approach. As a lover of romance, connection, and, well, love, I’m on a mission to help every single attract, attain, and maintain a loving relationship. If you’re seeking a long-term partner, I’ve detailed the step-by-step strategy you need for finding a serious, committed relationship.
Define Your Deal-Breakers and Non-Negotiables
One of the biggest mistakes I see singles make is not having a well-defined list of their standards and expectations for a relationship. If you don’t have set boundaries or non-negotiables, you’ll attract people who simply aren’t compatible with you. Sure, it’s important to connect with all sorts of singles, but you’ll end up meeting a lot more Mr. or Ms. Wrongs than deeply compatible potential partners.
If you leave most of your first dates feeling that you would have been better off staying at home, you’re likely attracting the wrong people. Your first step to meeting singles who are more aligned with your personality, lifestyle, and goals is to establish your deal-breakers and non-negotiables. Most of us have a general idea of our unique preferences, but it’s even more helpful to do some deep soul-searching and write it down!
Seriously consider where you are versus where you want to be. Think about what traits in a potential partner are the most attractive to you, and which qualities you’d like to steer clear from. Once you’ve narrowed in on the specifics, you’ll have a blueprint for successful dating.
Now, I say all of this with a caveat: as crucial as it is to have boundaries, standards, and expectations for a relationship, it’s equally important to be flexible. Don’t treat dating like shopping for a car! These are real people with complex nuances, not some product that has to meet every item on your checklist. Have boundaries, but don’t be so rigid in them that you miss out on opportunities to connect with great people who don’t meet every one of your expectations.
Start a Personal Growth Journey
Being ready for a long-term relationship starts with being the best version of yourself! Where you are right now is indicative of the kind of partner you will attract. Think about it: if you’re not emotionally mature or available, you’ll only attract other singles who have some maturing to do, too. If you’re financially insecure or unstable, you aren’t going to catch the attention of someone who financially well-established.
If you aren’t already on a path of personal growth and development, I highly suggest you start practicing self-expansion before reentering the dating scene. First, consider what makes you feel proud of yourself, and also what makes you feel lacking. Think about what went right and what went wrong in your past relationships. Your goal here is to determine what areas of your personality or lifestyle are productive and what could use some change.
Once you know what you need to work on, make personal growth a habit! If you decide you’d like to invest in your appearance and physique, join a gym and dedicate set times every week to go. If you know that you have communication issues, enlist the help of a licensed professional to help you work through the underlying problem.
Of course, personal growth and self-expansion are wholly fulfilling without having any intention of finding a long-term partner. Becoming the best version of yourself doesn’t need some deeper motive, like being more attractive, to be valid. However, if you are struggling in the dating scene and find yourself wondering why you keep going out with the wrong people, self-expansion is one of the best ways to attract more compatible matches.
Broaden Your Social Circle
A friend of a friend is likely also your friend. Seriously, one of the best ways to meet other eligible, compatible singles is to ask around your friend group! If you have a large social circle, chances are that someone in your group knows another single who’s looking for a relationship. Plus, your circle of friends can also act as your dating liaison by putting in a good word for you!
If you don’t have a friend group that you trust to introduce you to other singles, it’s time to make some new connections. A great way to make new friends and find a love interest is to get more invested in your hobbies. If you enjoy cooking, try joining a culinary class or workshop and sparking a conversation with others in the group. If you love giving back to your community, join a volunteer organization and sign up to help with a cause you’re passionate about.
The key here is to join a new group. If you’ve been going to the same gym for years and haven’t met anyone through it, consider switching to another location. You’ll only see new faces by changing your routine and habits, even if that feels a little uncomfortable at first. That said, you’re sure to make new friends if you try new groups and classes that interest you!
Once you’ve established a new friendship, ask them directly if they know any other singles who are ready for commitment. Of course, it’s important to not forget that having a new friendship is worthwhile whether they can introduce you to potential matches or not. In the worst-case scenario, you at least have a new platonic connection, which in many ways is as valuable as a romantic one.
Be Patient and Stay True to Yourself
If you’ve already tried joining new groups, self-expansion, and outlining your relationship expectations, give all of these changes a chance to work. The truth is that even if you do everything right, the US dating scene is still incredibly challenging. As highlighted in a recent US Census report, the average age of marriage in the US has rose dramatically in the past decade alone. Now, men enter their first marriage at around age 30, and women at about age 28.
The fact is that less people are actually looking for a long-term relationship than ever before in US history. The dating pool for singles seeking commitment is much smaller than it was even just a decade ago. With the new, difficult dating landscape, you’ll need to acquire a bit of patience if that isn’t one of your virtues already.
I know that waiting to connect with your special person feels like an eternity, but it’s entirely worth it. As a dating coach, I’ve seen singles time and time again grow tired of waiting and start trying anything and everything they think will attract a partner. I’ve watched singles undergo extreme surgeries, change their entire personality, and even forgo their own interests just to find a partner!
Yes, personal growth and self-actualization requires change, but it should be positive change that aligns with your core values. When we deviate from our values, goals, and authentic self, we lose the opportunity to attract those who are compatible with our authentic self. The goal should be to become the best, most genuine version of yourself, not to become someone different entirely.
Use Dating Services Intentionally
If you’ve read any of my other blogs, you can probably guess what I’m about to say: dating apps aren’t actually that great at facilitating long-term relationships. Before you even meet someone in person, you need to be sure they aren’t a catfish or date scammer, which is often easier said than done. You’ll also need to keep the conversation going, and a study by Thriving Center of Psychology shows that you still have a 30% chance of being ghosted.
I wish that were all the negative statistics about online dating, but unfortunately, it gets worse: According to recent data compiled by the Pew Research Center, only 10% of married couples met via online dating. So even if you do manage to avoid all of the common dating app pitfalls, there’s a 90% chance that you won’t enter a relationship with one of your matches. I know those numbers are bleak, but there are more effective, proven, and confidential dating services available that can actually deliver on their promises.
Professional Matchmaking services are a highly personalized option for successful singles still searching for a long-term partner. Matchmakers take into account your relationship goals, personality, and lifestyle to conduct a bespoke match search on your behalf. Luxury Matchmakers even handle the date planning and scheduling to make your dating experience stress-free and fun!
Are You Ready to Invest in a Lasting Relationship?
It’s certainly not easy to find a serious relationship in the modern dating scene, but with the right approach, you can still find a loving partner. By defining your deal-breakers and non-negotiables, embracing personal growth, expanding your social circle, and staying patient and authentic, you’ll be ready to attract your best possible partner.
If you’re looking for a more supportive, strategic way to find love, professional Matchmaking services could be a great option for you. At LUMA Luxury Matchmaking, we specialize in connecting successful singles with high-quality, compatible matches. Our proprietary LUMA Love Method is highly personalized, 100% confidential, and deeply supportive.
If you’re ready to invest in a lasting relationship, complete your LUMA profile and schedule a consultation with one of our expert Matchmakers. Start your love story today!
