fbpx

The Top Reasons Why He Isn’t Texting You Back

The Truth About the Silent Treatment

If you’ve ever spent hours incessantly checking your phone, waiting for your love to reach out, and wondering, “Why is he not texting me back,” you’re not alone: women send more texts than men, on average, and that can leave women in relationship limbo. Maybe everything seems to be going well in your relationship, your last few dates were amazing, but you simply can’t ignore that he hasn’t texted you in a while.

I think most women can relate to being left on read by a love interest. Being ignored can make you start to question yourself and wonder what you could have done to make him lose interest. I understand how easy it is to get caught up in speculation and negative thinking when you’re being ghosted by someone you care about.

Counting the minutes between their responses and sitting patiently by your phone waiting for their name to appear on the screen is so tempting, and I’m sure you’ve been diligently planning your response for when he does text you back. You don’t want to seem desperate, but you also don’t want to come off as disinterested. With all of these racing thoughts, though, I can guess the main ones that persist:

So, what exactly is the problem? Is there actually something wrong with me?

No, the truth is that there’s nothing wrong with you. However, I’m not saying that you haven’t possibly committed a communicated faux pas. Really, it could be a number of things, and it’s often difficult to tell the real reason why he’s not texting you. Your relationship could be over, or your love may just be busy. As a professional Dating Coach for men and women, I frequently hear all the reasons why men ignore women they date. I’ll let you in on the most common reasons men go ghost.

 

1. He Was Putting In More Effort Than You

Yes, traditionally, men have been expected to be the pursuers, but they want a little attention, too! They don’t like the pressure of always being expected to initiate and carry the conversation. If he’s not texting you back, it could be because he’s tired of always being the one to reach out.

If you’re expecting him to always take the lead and text you first, it’s time to reframe your mindset. Healthy relationships only work when both people put in equal effort. Think of it like balancing a scale: if he texts you first one day, you should be the one to reach out the next. Now, I’m not suggesting you keep score of this, but you get the idea. The goal should be for both partners to feel wanted.

 

2. He’s Actually Busy

I know that “being too busy” to make time for a relationship is usually a convenient excuse to leave a relationship, but on rare occasions, it’s actually true! Sometimes, men are still early in their careers with demanding schedules and just aren’t ready to invest the time it takes to maintain a real relationship. If he spends half the year traveling for work, he’s really not physically available to be there for anyone.

Even if most of his time is genuinely tied up, don’t settle for less than you deserve. It’s better to let this relationship fizzle out and find someone who’s ready for real commitment than to hang on to someone who can’t be there for you.

 

3. He’s Just a Bad Texter

This is another example that could just be a weak excuse to cut ties, but some people simply don’t communicate best over text. If your boyfriend doesn’t text other than to make plans, it could be that he’s old-fashioned and prefers in-person conversations. That said, if he just doesn’t like texting, he should at least be making the effort to call you on occasion.

Just because he isn’t glued to his phone and is constantly sending you heart emojis doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you. Try to pay attention to whether he’s reaching out via phone call or consistently making plans to see you as a better way to gauge his interest.

 

4. You Didn’t Show Him That You Liked Him

If you aren’t consistently making him feel wanted, it’s likely that he’s pulling away from the relationship. If he doesn’t feel like you’re attracted to him, he probably isn’t going to pursue you! If you aren’t giving him compliments and sending obvious signals that you’re interested, he’s going to assume that you don’t feel a connection and gradually disappear.

Try dropping a not-so-subtle hint! Send him a text telling him he’s handsome or thank him for something he’s done for you. Let him know that you appreciate him and want to keep him in your life. Just be sure not to overdo it by love bombing or constantly messaging him.

 

5. He Was Only After One Thing

If he’s only looking for a hookup or casual fling, he’s probably going to lose interest if you’re clear about wanting a committed relationship, and that’s okay! If you two aren’t on the same page and have drastically different relationship goals, he’s not the right one for you anyway.

A great way to find out his intentions is to pay attention to when he is reaching out. If he’s only texting you at 3 a.m. or only invites you to his home instead of on real dates, he’s probably not interested in building a relationship. The best way to handle this is to simply let him go and find someone who is compatible with your goals.

 

6. He’s Dating Someone Else

Sometimes, we meet someone we instantly connect with and give up all other possibilities to pursue that special person. Unfortunately, your guy could have simply fallen in love with someone else. I know that’s a difficult possibility to reconcile, but it’s one of the most common reasons guys stop texting a woman they like.

If the guy you’ve been seeing has found someone else, they could be trying to disappear without an honest conversation. If he does tell you that he’s moved on, just thank him for letting you know and move on. There are too many eligible, attractive singles out there to spend your time chasing someone who’s just not interested.

 

7. You Upset Him

At some point, we’ve all been the problem. It’s very possible that you said something jokingly to him that he took offense to. Unfortunately, so many nuances of communication are lost via text, and you could have said something that lacks context without tone or body language.

If you’ve accidentally hurt him, he might be taking a few days to process what was said before reacting. Go back through your recent texts with him and look for anything you sent that could be offensive. If you find something that could be misinterpreted, go ahead and reach out to him with an apology and explain what you actually meant.

 

8. He’s Playing Hard to Get

Even though this is a very outdated rule, some people still think that playing hard to get makes them more desirable. We believe that if we are upfront and honest about liking someone, we’ll come across as too easy and they’ll be put off by our eagerness. He could be afraid that by showing his interest, you’ll get bored with him and move on.

Even though this is a horrible way to go about a relationship, all is not lost. If you think he’s just playing hard to get, send him a text asking why he’s been so distant lately. Make it clear that you aren’t trying to play games, and he’ll either reciprocate or stop texting altogether.

 

9. He’s Commitment-Shy

It’s a common stereotype that men are hesitant to settle down and commit to a single relationship. This certainly isn’t true for all men, but some guys are avoidant. Maybe he’s scared of his feelings for you and instead of acting on them, he’s pulling away. Even if he’s said that he wants a serious relationship, people are unpredictable and often don’t say what they actually mean.

If you think your guy is commitment-shy, it’s best to approach it directly. Send him a text checking in on him, and once he replies, restate that you’re looking for a long-term relationship and want to make sure that he’s on the same page.

 

Ready to Find the Love You Deserve?

If your boyfriend isn’t texting you back, it’s easy to spiral into overthinking and self-doubt. Try to remember that the reasons behind his disappearance probably have more to do with him than you. Whether he’s busy, unsure about the relationship, or just not ready for a real connection, it’s important to put yourself first and recognize your own worth.

Don’t waste time stressing over mixed signals. Instead, focus on finding someone who’s ready to invest in a partnership just as much as you are. Relationships should feel balanced, fulfilling, and wanted, not one-sided. If he isn’t giving you the attention you deserve, take it as a sign to move on and find someone who will.

 

If you’re done wasting time on hot and cold situationships that lead to dead ends and are seeking a loving, lasting relationship, LUMA is ready to guide you on your journey to true love.

Please Complete your LUMA Profile and schedule a call with one of our Certified Matchmakers today.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *