If you’re reading this blog, you’ve probably asked yourself this question a thousand times: “Why am I still single?” If you’re like most of my clients, you’re not asking from a place of self-loathing and pity; it’s more about understanding the dating scene and knowing what you can do to improve your dating prowess.
You’ve worked hard to build the life you used to dream of. You have a fulfilling career, a big, caring heart, and you’re stable and dependable. So why does finding someone else on the same page feel like an impossible feat?
The truth is that modern dating isn’t actually designed for lasting relationships. The swipe-and-burn culture of dating apps, breadcrumbing, ghosting, and situationships have millions of singles feeling stuck. And most of those singles are smart, successful, and desirable.
If you’re wondering what’s going on with dating or if there’s some big secret to success you’re missing out on, I have news for you: there are a few clear-cut reasons why even the most attractive singles can’t find a meaningful relationship. I’ll break down the ten most common reasons people struggle to find love, and the benefits of hiring a matchmaker to help you outsource your dating life.
1. You’re Too Busy To Date With Purpose
You’re not doing anything wrong, perse, you’re just doing too much. A demanding work schedule, required travel, keeping a social life, and just trying to get 8 hours of sleep is exhausting. Finding the time to swipe, chat, plan dates, and actually invest in someone new can feel like another full-time job.
According to a 2020 Pew Research study, busy schedules are one of the top reasons singles say they aren’t dating. This is especially true among working professionals who are trying to date in their 30s and 40s. The reality is that when life moves fast, dating often gets left behind, or becomes something you do without real intention.
This is where a professional matchmaker comes in. No more wasting hours swiping through thousands of profiles or going on disappointingly bad dates. A matchmaker hand selects the most compatible singles for you! They handle the vetting and date planning so that you can focus on what actually matters: showing up as your best self and making lasting connections.
2. Your Standards Are Vague Or Unrealistic
Maybe you’re drawn to the same kind of person over and over again, and the ending is always the same. Maybe you like the emotionally-unavailable types, the charming but aloof, or the ones who make big promises, but never follow through. It’s not that you don’t want a real relationship, but your pattern of attraction is working hard against you.
Multiple studies show that people often tend to replicate relationship patterns from previous partners, even if their ex was toxic or unhealthy. These unconscious cycles can lead us to choose the “wrong” type over and over again because our brains seek comfort in familiarity.
This is one of the biggest benefits of hiring a matchmaker: they’re your magic mirror. A matchmaker can help you recognize any self-destructive relationship patterns you might be clinging to and break free of toxic cycles. Most matchmakers are date and relationship coaches, so they can help you learn to prioritize compatibility over what you’re used to.
3. You Keep Choosing The Wrong Type
There’s nothing wrong with knowing what you want and not settling for less. I always tell my clients that knowing your deal breakers and non-negotiables is essential to finding your best possible partner. That said, if your checklist of must-haves is longer than your resume, or, on the flip side, if you’re just going with the flow and have no real clarity, you’re sabotaging your chances at real connection.
A recent article by Psychology Today shows how people who set extremely rigid relationship expectations tend to end up in failed marriages and relationships. On the other hand, having really unclear relationship expectations will lead you unclear relationship dynamics, AKA, the dreaded situationships.
If you don’t have healthy standards or expectations, a matchmaker can help center you. They’ll encourage you to rethink your standards, not lower them, by separating the must-haves from the nice-to-haves. Really, a matchmaker will help you get specific where it matters and be flexible where you can.
4. You’ve Lost Faith In The Process
After too many dead-end dates, potential partners going ghost, or obnoxious conversations on dating apps, it’s easy to wonder if real love is even out there anymore. Most singles who join my services say that dating isn’t exciting anymore, it’s just plain exhausting.
According to a 2023 Pew Research report, 42% of online daters say the experience left them frustrated, and only 9% say that it made them feel hopeful. So, trust me when I say you aren’t alone in dating burnout! Being so fatigued about finding a relationship can really affect your mindset, making it near impossible to open up to new people and each interaction feel like a chore.
But here’s the thing: it’s not that you’re jaded, you just need to rethink your approach. Another one of the benefits of hiring a matchmaker is intentionality. They aren’t just pairing you with random people on the street! A matchmaker will get to know everything about you, from your goals, values, lifestyles, and preferences, and only introduce you to singles who you’re deeply compatible with.
5. You Aren’t Sure What You Want Anymore
When you’ve been single for a while or had a string of situationships, it’s almost impossible not to lose clarity. Maybe your priorities have changed over the years, or you’re no longer as attracted to your “type”. Or, maybe you’ve had a taste of what you thought you wanted in a partner, but came to find out your “ideal partner” checklist was wrong all along.
A 2022 study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that uncertainty about what you want in a romantic partner is linked to lower dating satisfaction and difficulty forming relationships. When you’re not clear on what you truly want, you’re more likely to settle, self-sabotage, or find yourself drifting from one dead-end relationship to the next.
This is where working with a professional matchmaker can be a game-changer. Matchmakers can help you iron out your real values, priorities, and relationship goals with date and relationship coaching, which, in turn, will help you attract a relationship that actually aligns with your true self.
6. You’re Holding Onto Your Past
If you still haven’t answered the question, “why am I still single?” I urge you to consider whether you’re still holding onto the ghosts from lovers’ past. Even if you think you’ve moved on, unresolved guilt or hurt can linger for longer than we think, and baggage from your past can quietly destroy your present.
According to a study published in the National Institutes of Health, emotional baggage can serve as barriers to lifestyle changes and new relationships. Our past leaves stains on our psyches, and until we decide to heal, those stains show up as repetition. Specifically, repetition of negative, self-defeating cycles.
Matchmakers don’t just help you meet other singles. Another one of the benefits of hiring a matchmaker is being able to unpack your emotional baggage in a safe environment. Matchmakers create space for healing and encourage you to push forward, helping you become the best version of yourself and attract the best possible partner.
7. You’re Attracting “Situationships”, Not Commitment
Perhaps you are clear on what you want: a serious, committed relationship. So why does it feel like everyone else is fine with situationships, casual flings, and hanging out in relationship limbo? Maybe it’s not your standards, it’s that you’re attracting the wrong kind of singles.
According to a 2020 study by Pew Research, while 43% of Americans say they’re looking for some form of romance, only 13% are purely seeking a committed relationship. To say that commitment is on the decline would be a severe understatement! You’re working with an ever-shrinking pool of other commitment-minded singles.
With a matchmaker, you’re not wasting more energy on commitment-phobes. Every introduction is made with your relationship goals in mind. Matchmakers don’t usually take on clients who are only looking for something casual, and every one of your matches will be vetted for relationship readiness and long-term compatibility.
8. You Need A Confidence Boost
It’s no secret that dating can do a number on your self-esteem. Although rejection is an inevitable part of dating, it’s easy to take it personally. Being ghosted, breadcrumbed, or feeling invisible on dating apps can make even the most confident people start to question their worth.
A recent article featured in Science Direct noted that 86% of studies reported negative impacts of dating app use on body image. Needless to say that online dating can do significant damage to your confidence, and when dating becomes discouraging, it’s easy to just give up altogether.
That said, confidence is still one of the most attractive qualities in potential partners. This is another one of the benefits of hiring a matchmaker; they can help you rebuild your confidence and show up as your best, most authentic self in your dating life. Plus, all of your matches will be intensely vetted for compatibility, so your chances of horrific first dates and being ghosted are astronomically lower.
9. You’re Looking In The Wrong Places
You’re not meeting the right people, but it might be because you aren’t looking in the right places. If you’re questioning, “why am I still single?” Answer me this: are you looking for new connections at bars, on dating apps, or even at work? If you are, you might have just found your answer. If you’re relying on places where hookups are rampant or relationships are rare, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.
A 2022 Singles in America survey by Match.com found that 61% of singles say it’s hard to find someone who is looking for the same type of relationship they are, and much of that mismatch comes from where and how people are meeting. In other words, your dating pool might be wide, but it’s not necessarily deep.
A matchmaker can help you cut through the noise of modern dating and hand-select potential partners for you. Instead of hoping to have your own rom-com worthy meet-cute at a random club, a matchmaker will ensure you meet someone with potential for a beautiful love story. Matchmakers focus on quality over quantity, but still cast with a wide net. Most firms have networks of thousands of singles who are looking for a real relationship.
10. You’re Ready, But Don’t Know Your Next Step
Let’s say you’re emotionally available, self-aware, and genuinely open to a relationship. But being ready for love does not mean you know where to find it! You might be thinking: Do I give dating apps another try? Ask my friend to set me up with someone? Rent a billboard and make an ad like I’ve seen on social media?
Okay, the billboard bit was mostly a joke, although I have seen someone do it before in the pursuit of love. That said, if you’re feeling stuck in dating, you’re not alone. According to a study by Pew Research, nearly half of Americans say dating is harder now than it was 10 years ago.
This is truly where matchmakers shine. In my opinion, this is #1 for the biggest benefits of hiring a matchmaker. They turn your dating woes into actionable strategies. Instead of guessing your way through the dating scene, a matchmaker guides you through every step of the way. They don’t just find the matches for you, the help you date with real direction and clarity.
You’re Not The Problem, But Your Dating Strategy Might Be
If you’re still asking yourself “Why am I still single?”, the first thing I want you to know is this: it’s not because you’re unlovable, broken, or too much. It’s probably because the way you’re dating isn’t built to support the kind of connection you’re looking for. Love isn’t about luck and random meet-cutes; more often than not, finding a lasting relationship requires clarity, intention, and the right guidance along the way.
That’s where working with a professional matchmaker can change everything. They’re your dating expert, first date liaison, cheerleader, and emotional support system along your journey to find true love. They see your potential, understand your vision, and are just as invested in your love story as you are.
I always say that if you don’t like the fish you’re catching, it’s time to change your bait. If you’re tired of navigating modern dating all on your own, maybe it’s time to change your approach. At LUMA, we have over 250 years of collective experience helping singles just like you find loving, lasting relationships.
Our team specializes in nearly every demographic, from Christian Matchmaking, Muslim Matchmaking, and even Celebrity Matchmaking, so we’re confident that we can help you find true love, no matter your preferences.
