Delving Deep into Romantic Attraction

Love can be elusive. As human beings, we often just cross our fingers and hope for the best when it comes to romantic relationships.

But what if that is not necessarily always the case? What if there was a way to improve our chances at relationships? What if we could delve into the inner workings of love and see where we stand and what we can do better.

Well, there is such a way — psychology. By gaining a deeper understanding of the psychology of romantic attraction, we can better position ourselves for fulfilling relationships.

What Is Romantic Attraction?

Attraction can simply be defined as the pull towards a person. Romantic attraction is best described as the desire to have a relationship with someone. It is the desire to have romantic interactions with that person. Sexual attraction is usually also a part of this desire, although that is not necessarily the case.

In fact, to better understand what romantic attraction is, we can look into the other types of attraction:

  • Sexual attraction — The desire to engage in intimate acts with someone
  • Physical attraction — The desire to be physically close to someone, not necessarily in a sexual way; this can be shown through emotional touch and physical proximity.
  • Aesthetic attraction — The interest in someone’s physical appearance that may not necessarily lead to sexual experiences
  • Intellectual attraction — This desire is cerebral in nature. It is the attraction towards someone’s intellectual prowess, thoughts, and ideas. This can be shown in wanting to have a stimulating conversation with someone.
  • Emotional attraction — This is defined as having strong feelings of attachment and vulnerability with someone.

These forms of attraction are, by no means, exclusive of each other. However, they can still exist free from one another. Romantic attraction, for example, is often accompanied by several of these forms of attraction.

engaged couple

A Chemical Process As Well

Our brains are hardwired to enjoy the feeling of falling in love. Neurochemicals are introduced to the brain during stages of lust, attraction, and attachment. Dopamine, in particular, gives off that addictive feeling of ecstasy that keeps us hooked.

Once deeper feelings develop, they are accompanied by oxytocin, which are also referred to as the “cuddle hormone.” This hormone is directly associated with the desire to become more vulnerable, trusting, and loyal in romantic relationships.

Dissecting Romantic Relationships

Psychologist Elaine Hatfield says there are two types of romantic love present in relationships: passionate love and compassionate love.

  • Passionate Love tends to be more present in the outset of relationships. It is the desire for physical intimacy and tenderness. It is usually accompanied by intense emotions. In Hatfield’s words, passionate love is “a state of intense longing for union with another.”
  • Compassionate Love takes intimacy to another level. It is based on trust, intimacy, affection, and commitment. It is being vulnerable and tolerant of someone. While there is still passion in compassionate love, the intensity is usually more subtle and less urgent. This form of romantic love is also often referred to as companionate love.


Although romantic attraction is not always the first form of attraction we experience towards someone, it is arguably the most important one when building romantic relationships. Understanding this form of attraction and how it makes or breaks unions is useful when seeking fulfilling relationships.

If you want to learn more about attraction and relationships, read our other posts. You can also get in touch with us through phone (1-844-822-5862) or email (Luma@Lumasearch.com) to start exploring potential relationships.

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