How To Tell Someone You’re Not Interested (Without Breaking Their Heart)

Letting Someone Down Easy

First of all, if you’re reading this blog, I’m guessing that you’re trying to do the right thing by actually telling someone you aren’t interested instead of ghosting them. Thank you for being an adult, taking a mature approach, and doing the right thing!

It’s never easy to face rejection. I think we all can relate to the pain of being rejected, whether in romantic, professional, or other social settings. The truth is that being rejected can make anyone feel unworthy, undesirable, and unloveable. It doesn’t have to be that way, though.

Being the person to end a romance isn’t much easier. It’s awkward, uncomfortable, and honestly very painful. Most of us aren’t looking to cause heartbreak, but getting and being rejected is nearly unavoidable. Even though it’s difficult, being upfront and honest is the most respectful way to handle letting someone down. It’s also a smaller world than you might think, and ghosting someone can actually come back to haunt you.

 

Why Ghosting Can Come Back to Haunt You

I do understand why people ghost their love interests: it’s the easy, less awkward way out of a budding relationship. Just because it’s easy doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do, though. Ghosting leads to more heartbreak than having an honest conversation and it damages your integrity. Even just sending someone a thought-out text to cut ties is better than ignoring them.

Ghosting also frequently comes back to haunt those who practice it. I once worked with a client who told me that she’d ghosted a man she went out with. Nearly two years later, he showed up at her office as her new supervisor. Needless to say, that was a very awkward experience for her!

 

Breaking the News Via Text or In-Person: Which is Better?

It’s no surprise that texting is the most common form of communication for adults under 50 in the U.S. It’s easy, convenient, and less pressured than a phone call. However, whether you should end a relationship via text is still up for debate.

As a Dating Coach and Matchmaker, I think whether you should end things over text depends on how long you’ve known this person and the seriousness of your relationship. If you’ve only gone out on a date or two, it’s fine to end the romance over text. That said, if the relationship lasted for a few months and was exclusive, a face-to-face conversation is the better route.

No matter how you choose to end things, your message should be the same: clear, kind, and respectful! If you’re ready to take the high road and learn the right way to tell someone you’re not interested, here’s a guide on what to say in person or via text.

 

How to Tell Someone You’re Not Interested (Text or In-Person)

Before we dive into what to say to let someone down easily, I want to stress that the most important thing to remember is that you don’t owe anyone a detailed explanation. I get that it’s tempting to want to soften the blow, but sharing great detail as a justification for cutting ties usually does more harm than good.

Not only is too much information unnecessary but the more details you share about why you aren’t romantically interested in the person, the more complicated and drawn-out the situation becomes. You’ll inevitably confuse them, deeply hurt them, or give them false hope. Try to just keep your message simple, focused, and short instead.

 

1. Acknowledge Their Effort

When you approach the conversation, the first thing you want to make clear is that you respect their efforts. It’s crucial to acknowledge that this person has worked hard to get to know you and spark a romantic connection, and that alone deserves appreciation. You want to show them that you’re grateful for their efforts and the time you spent together.

If you met this person through shared social circles or even a professional setting, this part is even more important so that you can salvage a cordial relationship with them. Whether you plan on ending things via text or in person, start the conversation like this:

“It was great meeting you, and I appreciate the time we’ve spent getting to know each other.”

 

2. Be Honest, But Kind

After you’ve expressed appreciation, it’s time for compassionate honesty. Yes, honesty is the best policy, but that doesn’t mean you should be harsh or unkind. There’s no need to get into great detail about why you didn’t feel a spark as that is only going to lead to more hurt feelings. Instead, try saying something a bit vague like this:

“I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, but I think we both can agree that there wasn’t a romantic connection.”

This phrase is unassuming, but very strategic: by stating, “I think you probably agree,” you’re giving the other person the opportunity to save face and end the romance with grace. You’re essentially making the rejection mutual.

 

3. Be Direct, But Compassionate

I’ve noticed that a lot of people make the mistake of being too ambiguous with their breakup texts. You have to be clear in your intentions, even if it’s difficult. If you’re not direct enough, you can inadvertently give the person false hope of reconnecting or salvaging your connection. Follow up your second statement with something like this:

“I don’t want to waste your time or mine, so I thought it would be best to be upfront and honest.”

This wording emphasizes that you want to be respectful of their time and emotions, which they will undoubtedly appreciate. It also sets a boundary, signaling that your decision isn’t up for debate. Saying this gets your point across while still being empathetic and kind.

 

Ready to Date With Confidence?

Turning someone down is never easy, but it’s an unavoidable part of dating, love, and relationships. Rejection stings, but it’s a normal part of life that can help you learn, grow, and mature. Being upfront and honest might feel uncomfortable in the moment, but it’s the most respectful, considerate way to end things.

If you acknowledge their efforts, are kind and direct, and leave out all unnecessary details, you allow yourself and the other person to walk away with dignity and pride. As uncomfortable and difficult as it is, telling someone directly that you’re not interested the right way is always worth it in the long run.

 

If you’re tired of navigating the dating scene without dedicated support and guidance, LUMA Matchmaking is ready to help.

Let our team of Professional Matchmakers curate your best possible matches and ultimately help you find a loving, lasting relationship. If you’re ready to invest in your love life, complete your LUMA profile and schedule a call with one of our expert Matchmakers today.