How to Get Over Someone You Love

Are Breakups Really That Painful?

Something I don’t think we consider enough is that breakups can be truly traumatic. They can leave lasting scars on our personality which affect the way we pursue new romances, and even change our perspective on love and relationships.

Breakups are swiftly and overwhelmingly life-changing. Losing someone you love can make you question everything from your self-worth to your future. Unfortunately, heartbreak is an inevitable part of love and life.

As a professional Matchmaker with over 25 years of experience, I’ve worked closely with clients who wanted to find a new love but were still holding onto pain from past breakups or divorces. I can tell you that there is no easy way to move on and let go, but it’s always worth it.

The road to healing from a breakup and learning how to let go of someone you love certainly isn’t an easy path, but through the pain and discomfort lies healing, happiness, and forgiveness. The process of moving on after a breakup is deeply personal, and everyone heals at different paces, but there are a few strategies that can help you regain your footing and get over your ex.

Signs It’s Time to Move On

The harsh reality is that most breakups are unavoidable. If your current relationship doesn’t make you happy, bring you peace, or help make your life more fulfilling, it’s past time to walk away. We tend to stay longer than we should in dead-end relationships because we’re prone to the sunk cost fallacy. We watch boring movies to the end because, well, we’ve already turned it on so we might as well stick it out. The same logic often applies to our relationships, too.

If you’re on the fence about whether you should stay or leave your partner, here are the warning signs that your relationship is past its expiration date and it’s time to move on.

You’ve Stopped Fighting

I know that seems counterintuitive at first, but once you stop fighting with your partner, you’ve usually stopped fighting for your partner, too. People are passionate about things they love, and sometimes that passion can manifest as anger. That’s often why couples who love each other deeply still occasionally have fights.

If you’ve suddenly stopped fighting with your partner, that’s a key sign that you’ve emotionally checked out of your relationship and no longer care about trying to fix the underlying issues. This goes both ways, too: if you see that your partner has become distant and no longer engages in arguments, they’re probably not invested in the relationship’s longevity.

You’re Not Excited to See Them

Sure, after you’ve been with someone for years, the newness of the relationship wears off and you might not rush to greet them at the door when they get home from work. That’s fairly normal for most couples. But if you start to feel anxious, nervous, or sad as the time approaches for your spouse to get home, those negative emotions are usually a harbinger of the end.

Again, the initial butterflies we feel during the honeymoon phase don’t last. With time, however, those butterflies morph into a feeling of safety, comfort, and stability in healthy relationships. If you aren’t feeling secure around your spouse and their presence brings out your negative emotions, your partner is harming your mental well-being.

You’ve Stopped Dreaming of the Future

When we fall in love, we daydream about what the future holds for the relationship, like buying a home or planning romantic vacations. When we fall out of love, though, all those thoughts get put on hold. We no longer dream about what the relationship will look like in years to come because subconsciously, we’ve lost faith. It just takes a while for our conscious minds to recognize the writing on the wall.

If planning weekend getaways or holidays spent with your partner doesn’t excite you anymore, it’s probably because you’re checked out of the relationship. Many times, the anticipation for events and milestones is half of the fun, so not finding joy in dreaming and planning shared experiences with your partner is a strong sign that it’s over.

Moving On From a Breakup

If you’ve already cut the cord and ended your relationship, you’re probably still dealing with the aftershock. Breakups and heartache go hand in hand and the emotional scars that our lost love often leaves can last months, even years. Right now, the most important thing for you to remember is that you will make it through to the other side of loss. Here are our best strategies for moving on and moving forward after going through a breakup.

Acknowledge That It’s Their Loss

I know that can sound a little cliche and conceited, but it’s one of the most important things to remember after a breakup. Just because you and your ex couldn’t work things out does not mean that there’s something wrong with you! Simply put, it just means they didn’t recognize that the relationship was worth fighting for. The breakup doesn’t have to define you for the rest of your life and certainly doesn’t reflect on your ability to be loved or maintain a relationship.

Tons of people have a “grass is greener” mentality and don’t appreciate what they have until it’s gone. If your ex does not value, respect, or acknowledge what you bring to the table, they were never right for you anyway.

Cut Off Communication

One of the biggest mistakes I see people make after a breakup is keeping in touch with their old flame. We all know that stalking your ex on social media and keeping tabs on them through mutual friends isn’t a good idea, yet we continue to do it. Staying connected to your ex in any way only prolongs the healing process.

The first step to take to truly heal is to stop all communication with your ex. Don’t seek closure validation from them, you’re likely never going to get that anyway. Having any conversation other than what’s necessary, like if you share children, is only going to reopen wounds. If you still have to sort out who gets what items or takes over the apartment lease, handle it as calmly and as quickly as possible.

Once you’ve sorted out all the details, it’s time to cut the cord. Block their number if necessary to keep yourself from reaching out. Most importantly, resist the urge to post something emotional on Instagram directed at your ex for the sake of your own dignity.

Allow Yourself to Grieve

Grieving is a natural part of healing from any loss, especially from a breakup. To not grieve is to not acknowledge your own emotions and that the relationship actually meant something to you. You’re doing yourself an extreme disservice if you’re bottling up your feelings about the breakup instead of feeling them as they come.

Suppressing your real emotions only compounds your pain with interest. If you don’t face grief head-on and deal with it as it comes, you’ll in turn harbor those negative emotions for much longer than necessary. Take the time to feel whatever you’re feeling, whether it’s sadness, anger, confusion, or even relief.

Let yourself cry! Write it out in a journal, talk to a friend, or seek professional support if you feel isolated or stuck. Don’t judge yourself for how long it’s taking to heal; as we mentioned, everyone heals at different paces, and healing isn’t a linear process, anyway.

Focus on Self-Expansion

Once the initial wave of grief has passed, it’s time for the fun part: rediscovering yourself. Breakups are so life-altering that they can even make people feel like they’ve lost part of their identity. Instead of harboring that loss, use this as an opportunity to reconnect with yourself.

It’s time to pursue old passions and goals and to remember the things that make you happy outside of any relationship. If you find that you’re just not interested in your hobbies like you were before, find new ones and spend time with friends and family for inspiration.

Take this time to really reflect on what you want for yourself, both in relationships and in the trajectory of your life. Deeply consider the kind of person you want to be and the kind of partner you want to attract, and take the steps necessary to make that a reality.

Accept That Moving On Takes Time

I get it: most of us want a quick fix to heartbreak. The hard truth is that as with all loss, moving on from a breakup takes time. You can’t force yourself to stop thinking about your ex overnight. You have to accept that healing and moving on is a lengthy, non-linear process, and that’s okay! With time, the pain will subside, and the memories of your relationship won’t sting the way they do right now.

That said, healing isn’t about forgetting your ex or pretending your past relationship didn’t matter to you. It’s really about making peace with your past, accepting that it’s over, and being open to new possibilities.

Meet New People (When You’re Ready)

While it’s definitely not in your best interest to rush into a new relationship, meeting new people can remind you that there are plenty of eligible singles out there. There are billions of people on the planet, and just because one person couldn’t recognize your value doesn’t mean that others won’t. When you’re ready, try getting back out there in the social scene.

Again, we want to stress that you need to be emotionally ready before jumping back into anything serious. Rebounds can sometimes do more harm than good if you’re just using another person to fill the void left by your ex. Take the time to heal completely before starting a new romance.

Still Struggling to Get Over Your Ex?

Getting over someone you love is a long journey. It takes patience, self-reflection, and time to truly move on from a breakup. The goal shouldn’t be to erase the past or pretend the relationship didn’t matter; instead, it’s about respecting your past romance for what it was, learning from it, and going forward with a better sense of who you are. By recognizing that a breakup doesn’t define you, cutting off communication with your ex, making space to grieve, and focusing on yourself, you’ll slowly, but surely start to heal.

Remember, there’s no standard timeline for grieving and healing. It’s okay to take as much time as you need. Just know that when you’re ready, the world is full of new possibilities, people, and places to explore. Heartbreak might leave a few scars, but you can choose to let them be a symbol of your strength and resilience.

If you’re tired of navigating the dating scene without dedicated support, guidance, and expertise, LUMA Matchmaking is ready to help.

Please complete your LUMA profile and schedule a call with one of our Certified Matchmakers to start your journey to true love today.