Approximately 73% of individuals in long-term relationships admitted to lying to their partners with the intention of preserving their healthy romantic connection. Lying is a common human behavior, and regardless of one’s identity or romantic relationship, we are all prone to distorting, hiding, or disregarding the truth.
However, excessive or detrimental dishonesty can severely damage the bond you share with your partner. Deception encompasses various actions, including expressing ambiguous statements, divulging only partial truths, downplaying important facts, withholding crucial information, or resorting to outright lies.
Knowing how to spot a liar in a relationship is valuable but complex. Recognize signs of deception and learn how to handle it if you suspect your partner is lying.
The Telltale Signs of a Liar in Dating
1. Uses formal language
Liars in dating often employ overly formal language, avoiding personal and casual expressions, potentially creating a sense of distance and detachment.
2. Employs distancing language
When referring to their dating partner, a liar might use impersonal terms like “that woman” or “that guy” instead of using their name, possibly to create emotional separation.
3. Repeats the question
Liars might repeat the question they are asked before answering, buying themselves time to craft a convincing response or to gauge the reaction of the person they’re deceiving.
4. Offers too much detail
Liars tend to provide excessive and unnecessary details in their stories, hoping to appear more credible and mask their deceit. These details may be overly specific or tangential to divert attention from the truth.
5. Fakes a smile
Liars often wear a false smile to appear warm and sincere, but it lacks genuine emotion.
6. Freezes upper body
Individuals may subconsciously freeze their upper bodies when lying, displaying limited natural movement or gestures.
7. Excessive eye contact
Liars may try to maintain prolonged and intense eye contact as they believe it demonstrates honesty, but it can be unnatural and forced.
8. Displays a quick temper when accused
Instead of calmly addressing accusations, liars may become easily enraged and display continuous anger throughout the conversation. Honest individuals are more likely to be helpful and enthusiastic and may support appropriate consequences for their actions.
9. Tells their story in chronological order
Liars often create a narrative following a precise timeline, as they have fabricated the details in advance and want consistency.
10. Demonstrates “duping delight”
A liar may display subtle signs of satisfaction or pleasure, known as “duping delight,” when they successfully deceive their partner, revealing their enjoyment in fooling others.
11. Shakes head “no” while saying “yes”
In a contradictory gesture, a liar might unconsciously shake their head ‘no’ while verbally affirming something, indicating a mismatch between their words and nonverbal cues.
12. Points their feet toward the exit
Subconsciously, a person who is being dishonest may position their feet toward the exit as a subconscious desire to escape or end the conversation, reflecting their discomfort with the lies they are telling.
13. Shows non-verbal contempt
Look for subtle signs of contempt, such as one lip corner lifting up and inwards, indicating possible deceit or disdain.
14. Shifts blink rate
Pay attention to changes in their blink rate. Rapid blinking or a noticeable decrease in blinking can be a sign that the person is uncomfortable or deceptive.
15. Alters vocal tone
Listen for variations in their vocal tone. A liar might exhibit inconsistencies like sudden pitch changes, throat clearing, or hesitations while speaking, indicating potential dishonesty.
How You Can Handle Lying
When faced with potential deception in a relationship, responding with compassion while safeguarding your well-being is crucial. Here are the steps you can take:
1. Trust your instincts
While stereotypical signs like fidgeting and lack of eye contact may not always indicate lying, rely on your gut reaction to gauge the truthfulness.
2. Set reasonable expectations
Demanding constant updates on your partner’s whereabouts may be excessive, but expecting honesty about plans or occasional check-ins is reasonable.
3. Pause and reflect
Take a moment to analyze any recurring lying patterns and avoid impulsive reactions that could escalate the situation.
4. Ask direct questions or challenge
Asking for eye contact and requesting the story to be retold in reverse. This approach can reveal inconsistencies or behavioral indicators that may be easier to detect when the story is not presented chronologically.
5. Foster open communication
Create a safe space for honest dialogue. Encourage your partner to share their feelings and concerns, reducing the likelihood of resorting to lying as a defense mechanism.
6. Seek professional help if needed
If lying becomes a persistent issue or poses significant challenges in your relationship, consider seeking guidance from a couples therapist or counselor. They can provide expert advice and facilitate constructive discussions.
7. Take care of yourself
Engage in activities that promote self-care, such as exercise, mindfulness, and spending time with supportive friends and family.
Rebuild Trust and Strengthen Your Relationship With Honesty
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