How to Tell Someone You Like Them (Without Being Ghosted!)

Facing the Fear of Rejection

There aren’t many experiences more nerve-wracking than confessing your feelings for someone. Mustering up the courage to express your attraction to your love interest requires a lot of planning and personal strength, and it may still lead to disappointment, rejection, and even ghosting.

It’s estimated that over 85% of Americans have been ghosted at some point. That statistic certainly paints a bleak image for the dating scene. It’s so disheartening and confusing when someone you care about suddenly disappears without a trace. The truth is that we can’t control how someone will react when we share our true feelings with them.

Inevitably, the person you like might not feel the same about you. However, most people tend to ghost potential partners for the same reason, and it’s not as obvious as you might think! We’ll dissect some outdated dating customs, and dive into the main reason people ghost their love interests and the right way to tell a guy or gal that you like them.

 

The Truth About Playing Hard to Get

Society loves to make up dating rules that have absolutely no real value in finding love. One of the most perpetuated “dating rules” of all time is that women should play hard to get. Interestingly, the first evidence we have of women being encouraged to play hard to get comes from Socrates in the 4th century B.C.!

This old-fashioned dating rule comes from the days of high courtship when various suitors would all compete for the same lady. Back in the day, pursuing a man was seen as masculine and unladylike. A true lady was expected to just sit back and wait for potential suitors to come knocking at her door.

Dropping a handkerchief was the boldest move a woman would make on a man. Men were expected to do everything in their power to get a woman’s attention and somehow magically know if she was interested in their advances.

Things have obviously changed since then, and women are doing more than dropping handkerchiefs to let a guy know she’s interested. The issue is that women still don’t feel comfortable enough to directly approach their feelings and tell a guy they like them.

As women, we also think that by being ambivalent, distant, and unavailable, we come off as more desirable. Really, it’s quite the opposite: self-assured confidence is undeniably more attractive than playing coy. Making the first move on a guy is one of the best ways to become more confident in yourself, too!

We still cling to the antiquated idea that if you tell a guy you like them, you’re somehow desperate, needy, and otherwise undesirable and that by being the one to express feelings first, you’re giving him all the power to determine the fate of the relationship.

This line of thinking couldn’t be further from the truth! In reality, a strong, confident woman is undeniably attractive to most men. In fact, confidence is consistently one of the top four traits that both men and women look for in romantic partners. A woman who knows what she brings to the table and is unafraid to go after what she wants is simply magnetic.

Being the one to make the first move lets you take control of the relationship, contrary to popular belief. Owning your feelings and approaching guys first actually lets you step into the position of power and decide how the relationship will progress.

When you play hard to get, you might think you’re being mystique and alluring. Actually, you’re just building emotional barriers that make it difficult for any man to cross. Ambivalence will confuse the person you’re interested in and certainly prevent them from ever making a move on you.

Sure, a little mystery is intriguing, but too much can make you seem inaccessible and indifferent. Really, the best advice is to stop playing unwinnable games with the guy you like and focus on being your authentic, confident self.

 

The Real Reason You Get Ghosted

So, a woman should put herself out there and make the first move knowing that she’s very likely to get ghosted? That may seem a little counterintuitive, but that’s exactly what we suggest.

The main reason why people disappear or go ghost after you express interest is simple: it’s because they were never truly invested in building a relationship. That doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. Really, people ghost because they have insecurity issues and can’t effectively communicate their feelings.

People with self-esteem issues find it easier to disappear than to express their feelings. It’s likely that because of their insecurities, they aren’t emotionally available or ready for a committed relationship. They’re just taking the easy way out by avoiding you.

However, just because your love interest isn’t mature enough to address their feelings directly doesn’t mean that their aloofness is a reflection of your worth. Please, don’t internalize it if you get ghosted! If someone ghosts you after you’ve been vulnerable and expressed your feelings, that’s on them.

It’s better to know early on that they aren’t capable of handling serious conversations and deep connections. At this stage, you’re not going to be as emotionally invested in the relationship as you would be two years down the road. Actually, getting ghosted early in a relationship has a silver lining: you can move on easily and find someone who truly values and respects you.

 

How Do You Tell a Guy You Like Him?

Okay, so you know that playing hard to get isn’t the best way to date and that being ghosted can actually be a blessing in disguise. Now, you’re ready to learn how to tell a boy you like him.

The key is to express your feelings to your crush with confidence and independence. The biggest mistake I see people make when they admit feelings to their crush is expecting something in return. If you find yourself waiting for validation after you confess your feelings, you’re not acting very self-assured, which is a turn-off.

Waiting for your love interest to either reject or accept your advances can cause them to pull away. If you tell your crush you like them, and then wait in silence on pins and needles for them to reciprocate, it’s honestly making things a bit awkward.

When someone genuinely likes you, they’re drawn to who you are without pressure and strings attached—your passions, independence, drive, and character. When you confess your feelings, you shouldn’t simply abandon all those qualities that made you attractive in the first place!

If you stop being authentic and fixate on whether or not they like you back, your crush will inevitably loosen their connection to you. Instead of forgoing all other aspects of your personality, just act natural! Don’t let your world revolve around their response. If they like you too, they’ll let you know and build a relationship with you. If they don’t, it was never meant to be anyway.

Seriously, it’s their loss if they don’t want to date you. If you don’t naturally think that way and consciously see your value, it’s time to adopt a more confident mentality. You don’t need to chase someone who doesn’t appreciate what you bring to the table! Scarcity creates value in the dating scene, and someone who knows their worth doesn’t need to wait around for anyone.

 

Need More Guidance in the Dating Scene?

Telling someone you like them doesn’t have to be such an anxious experience. The best way to address your feelings is with direct, clear confidence. Remember, your only goal is to express your feelings, not to wait around for validation. If your crush reciprocates, that’s great! If not, you’ll know that you stayed true to yourself with dignity and independence.

In the dating scene, scarcity creates value. Anyone confident in who they are isn’t going to be afraid to let someone know how they feel. They know that their life, happiness, and future don’t hinge on a response from their crush. So, go ahead—let that person know you’re interested. Then, get back to being the amazing person you were before, and if they’re smart, they’ll appreciate the confident, empowered individual you are.

If you’re tired of navigating the dating scene without support, guidance, and expertise, LUMA Matchmaking is ready to help. Our team of expert Matchmakers can help you date with confidence, level up your flirting and conversation skills, and ultimately find your perfect match.

Please complete your LUMA profile and schedule a call with one of our Matchmakers to start your love story today.