Is It Love or Lust I’m Feeling?

We’ve all felt the excitement and rush at the beginning of a new romance. You know what I’m talking about! That out of control feeling of not being able to concentrate on anything else and just wanting to spend every waking and sleeping moment with that special person. You felt obsessed, basically, and if I asked you to think back to what that time was like, I bet you’d be able to remember it vividly.

Thinking back, did you ever wonder if it was love? Maybe love at first sight..? Or maybe it was lust. Love and lust are very different from each other. I’m going to give you some signs that will help you to determine which one it is so you never have to wonder…is it true love?

#1) Understanding Hormones

You know at the beginning of a relationship where you’re really attracted to someone with that physical, sexual arousal? Well, that’s lust. You’ve heard the line “love is blind”. Well it’s not love, it’s lust! When we’re in the initial phase of an attraction, we see the other person as ideal. We don’t notice the red flags and signs that would normally tell us to steer clear because our body is telling us to ignore those signs. Our bodies are releasing the sex hormones causing us to feel this way to try to get us to mate. It’s a thing of nature!

Some people think that this phase is what a relationship is, and don’t understand that it’s just the beginning. Every relationship through this phase and will inevitably come out of it as you move into the next phase of a relationship. The lust starts to fade and you begin to notice all the “negative” things about your partner, but if the relationship continues on, then it will continue to grow and blossom into love.

The hormones stemming from love are quite different than the sex hormones. You’ve probably heard of the feel good hormone, Oxytocin. When you’re in love, your body is releasing Oxytocin which causes you to relax and open up to connecting with your partner.

#2) Two becomes One

When you’re in love you feel a different kind of desire. You want to embed your significant other into your life and build a future and family with them. You’re thinking of the two of you as a unit. No longer is it just you. It’s about both of you together as a couple and your lives are becoming intertwined with hobbies, friends, l living situations, etc. This can also be demonstrated with your language. Do you hear yourself saying “we” versus “I”? If so, this is also a good sign that it’s love.

#3) Deep Connection

Maybe you’ve heard me mention, the 36 questions to make anyone fall in love with you?  The reason why this happens is that these questions get progressively personal and you’re revealing more and more to the other person, which makes you feel more connected. When we fall in love we want to share our past, our secrets and struggles, opinions, goals, passions, hopes and dreams. This brings us closer to each other as we fall in love. Whereas when we’re still just lusting each other, it’s much more high level and superficial. We may share some things, but it never really cracks the surface. You may share information about your job, hobbies, where you’re from, but you’re not ready to reveal anything deep.

Lust and love are very different from each other. It can be very important to know and understand these differences when at the beginning of a relationship and especially for those people considering marriage after only knowing someone for only a short period of time. What about you? Ever thought you were in love only to realize later it was just lust?

Are You Ready to Find LOVE?